It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas . . .

I hope as you read the title to this month's blog you can hear the baritone voice of Bing Crosby singing those words. If you're too young to remember (or want to hear it for "real") click here
The RE/MAX Housing Market Outlook for 2011 was released last week. Across the country, it predicts a stable market, with a few more sales and slight price increases. Nelson is not one of the markets that are specifically highlighted, but the trend is encouraging. If you would like to read the full report, click here.

Parents' Night Before Christmas

The REAL Night Before Christmas
(By Parents)

'Twas the night before Christmas
when all through the house
I searched for the tools
to hand to my spouse

Instructions were studied
and we were inspired,
in hopes we could manage
"Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
while Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
a kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's townhouse to boot!
And now, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes,
my heart skipped a beat -
let no parts be missing
or parts incomplete!

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
if we can't get it right, it goes straight to the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear
but 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,

With each part numbered and every slot named,
so if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
all over the carpet they were scattered about.

"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
to keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
with "assembly required" till morning's first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
till our eyes, they went blurry; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
and not run to the store for one single thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
for the perfect, most magical, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose
I gratefully went, though I suppose
there's something to say for those self-deluded-
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Nelson's Civic Arena celebrated its 75th birthday at the end of November. It was built in the midst of the great depression and was the result of visionary thinking by the city fathers of that day (I don't think there were any female civic leaders in 1935, but I haven't checked the wall at Nelson City Hall to see when the first was elected). It was noted that this was the finest arena anywhere between Vancouver and Winnipeg when it was new. Although we have the new arena now being spotlighted in our community, the old rink is still there and still being used regularly. It would be a huge undertaking to remove it, so it will likely be part of our history for many more years. Here's a link to a couple of articles that have appeared in the Nelson Star: Civic Centre Turns 75 and The Night Satchmo Came to Town.
34 years ago December 18 was a Saturday, too. It was our last winter in Nanaimo, though we didn't know it at the time. I was at work at the credit union about 2 in the afternoon, when Dorothy phoned me and asked if I could come home. (Please note: I never claimed to be the brightest guy on the planet!) I told her that I got off at 3 and did she want me to leave early. She said "yes" and (remember the previously italicized phase?) I asked "why?" Now, we were expecting our 2nd child at this time, and her due date was December 16. However, our first child had been 3 weeks late, and I just wasn't expecting this call at this time! Once I got the message that she was in labour, I got into gear pretty quickly. We had already made arrangements for our daughter, Yvonne, to be cared for when we went to the hospital, but when we phoned those people, we found that they had gone to Victoria for the day, so we had to scramble to find someone else. It was a little after 4 p.m. when we got to the hospital and the receptionist asked how far apart the contractions were. When we told her about 3 minutes, she said we could do the paperwork after we got Dorothy settled into a bed! By 6:15 our son, David, was born. The timing was very good, because the doctor was supposed to be the master of ceremonies at a Christmas banquet at church that evening, so he was able to be there on time. After holding my son for the first time and getting Dorothy settled (she soon was ready for a nap) I decided that I'd better get some dinner, so I went down to the Credit Union's office party where I was (surprise, surprise) warmly greeted, and enjoyed a sumptuous feast. I am not going to post a baby picture of David (he might be embarrassed) but I will refer you back to July's blog newsletter for photos of his wedding to Sara. So, our son was sent home from hospital a few days later and we traveled that same day on the B.C. Ferries to Vancouver to spend Christmas at Dorothy's parent's home, and introduce David (that wasn't always his name, but that's what he prefers) to his Grandma and Grandpa and to the rest of the family. There's no doubt that this will always be one of my favourite Christmas memories. Happy Birthday, Dave!
Another month, and another year have passed. Lots of events in our world, our community and our own lives have occurred. We'll take time to reflect on the past year and to celebrate this beautiful season (I expect to have new family photos next month, as they are all planning to be home with us this year) as well as make plans for the future.

If buying or selling a home is in your future, I hope you'll let us assist you.

Here's one more link to a song that I hadn't heard before this year, but it seems to have "gone viral" on YouTube, Facebook and other social media sites: "Where's The Line To See Jesus"

Thanks for reading, and thanks to all who have contributed throughout the year with links, articles, jokes and stories!

Merry Christmas to you!

Lorne & Drew

Here's a Blast From The Past

60 years ago today, the Nelson Savings Credit Union was chartered and shortly thereafter began to do business in Nelson. Congratulations to the credit union for their long term service to our community. As a part of the marking of this occasion, they have put out a commemorative brochure, which you can find here: C.U. 60th Anniversary There is a photo there that I think was taken around 1978. You may get a chuckle out of it -- I know I did! Many of you know that it was the Nelson & District Credit Union (this current name was adopted sometime in the 1960's) that brought me to Nelson. I was employed there from 1977 until 1992. It is hard to believe that 18 years has elapsed since I changed careers.

It seems that winter is just around the corner. Last weekend we stored Dorothy's convertible for the winter and the snow tires have been installed on my car. I put the deck furniture into the basement recently and bought new weather stripping for our home's front entrance. Here's a few more tips that might help you prepare for winter:

Keep your headlights clear with car wax! Just wipe ordinary car wax on your headlights. It contains special water repellents that will prevent that messy mixture from accumulating on your lights - lasts 6 weeks.

Squeak-proof your wipers with rubbing alcohol!
Wipe the wipers with a cloth saturated with rubbing alcohol or ammonia.
This one trick can make badly streaking & squeaking wipers change to near perfect silence & clarity.

Ice-proof your windows with vinegar! Frost on it's way?
Just fill a spray bottle with three parts vinegar to one part water & spritz it on all your windows at night. In the morning, they'll be clear of icy mess.
Vinegar contains acetic acid, which raises the melting point of water---preventing water from freezing!

Prevent car doors from freezing shut with cooking spray!
Spritz cooking oil on the rubber seals around car doors & rub it in with a paper towel.
The cooking spray prevents water from melting into the rubber

Fog-proof your windshield with shaving cream!
Spray some shaving cream on the inside of your windshield & wipe if off with paper towels.
Shaving cream has many of the same ingredients found in commercial defoggers.

De-ice your lock in seconds with hand sanitizer!
Just put some hand sanitizer gel on the key & the lock & the problems solved!

Do You Know A Buyer For This Home?

Located in Nelson's Uphill area this newer home (2004) has 4 bedrooms, 3 full baths, hardwood flooring, granite counters, den, family room plus a 2 bedroom legal suite on the lower level, with off-street parking both front and rear. The income from the suite will pay a large part of your mortgage. Check it out at Uphill home with suite
or call us for further details. $499,000

JOB HUNTING...

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate. 2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. 3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job. 4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting. 5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme. 6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... couldn't cut the mustard. 7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found that I wasn't noteworthy. 8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience. 9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in. 10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income. 11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining. 12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. 13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I got a job as a Historian until I found out there was no future in it. 14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind Thank you for reading. Opinions and comments are always welcome. You may also wish to check out my "topical" blog. Lorne & Drew

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night. . . . .

When I see that phrase, I always think of the cartoon character "Snoopy" sitting on top of his doghouse with his typewriter. It's the kind of thing you might write if you were to write a Hallowe'en ghost story. No, that's not what this newsletter is about this month, but I always seem to have difficulty in getting started so . . . .

And, on a related topic -- It's not at all stormy, but it sure does get dark early. Next month (on the night of November 6 - 7 to be exact) we switch back to standard time here in this part of British Columbia, so our evenings will become dark a full hour earlier. I always try to remind people to make a habit of checking your smoke detector batteries when you change your clocks. If you can't remember when you last changed those batteries, it's probably time to do so!


Here's a job I could not handle. About 10 days ago, my neighbours decided to remove a dead birch tree from their front yard, so they called in Limbwalker Tree Services. I find this fascinating to watch, but, as I said, I certainly couldn't do what he does!


Back in August, I posted a photo and a link to a Rotary project that my club was involved in. This bridge, across Cottonwood Creek, up where Cottonwood Lake drains into it, has already become very popular. A couple of weeks ago a group of club members got together to stain the deck and rails to ensure that it will be there for many years.

As I try to do every three months, it's time for some statistical material on the real estate market. The link here is for a report on the U.S. market and comes from RE/MAX. It shows that sales activity in 54 markets in the U.S. is down over 20% when comparing September 2009 to September 2010. However, there are also some encouraging signs. You can check it out at RE/MAX National Housing Report

Locally, our market is similar to what we experienced last year, which is to say that the market is slow, but it is moving.

Type Jan - Sept. '09 Jan - Sept. '10 Aver Price Aver Days on Market

Single family home 83 sales 82 sales +5.8% 69 (2010) - 74 (2009)
Land 5 sales 16 sales + 3.1% 98 (2010) - 260 (2009)
Manufactured home 6 sales 5 sales + 64.3% 80 (2010) - 59 (2009)
Duplex 2 sales 3 sales + 20% 111 (2010) - 50 (2009)
Condo & Townhouse 9 sales 21 sales + 7.4% 140 (2010) - 50 (2009)

These statistics are for the City of Nelson only. The reason the land sales are so much higher in number is that the city marketed a number of lots in the Fairview Heights area this year. I believe that the condo & townhouse sales numbers are higher because of new developments at The Graine and at Granite Pointe. You will also notice that sale prices are up across the board. Frankly, I was surprised by this figure, as many homes are selling at prices that seem to be well below last year's numbers. However, a few "upper end" home sales can skew the statistics so that it looks like prices are up overall.

The following is courtesy of Bob Kalo, RE/MAX Treeland Realty in Langley - Thanks, Bob!

Smarter Workday Snacks

Never snack on carbohydrates alone. Simple carbs quickly raise your blood sugar, but you won't sustain the elevated energy levels required to get you through the day. While pretzels may seem like a healthful, low-fat choice, they won't deliver the sustained energy lift you need. Instead, an ideal power snack consists of complex carbohydrates, such as whole-grain bread or crackers, fruits, and vegetables combined with a protein, such as cheese, hummus, peanut butter, and low-fat milk.

Here are some suggestions for healthy and conveniently portable midday snacks:

Baby carrots and hummus. Many convenience stores carry premade hummus, and you can substitute any crunchy vegetable favorites, such as cucumber slices and sweet bell pepper strips, that you can cut up the night before.

Apple and cheese. Choose any reduced-fat cheese, such as mozzarella or Swiss, to enjoy with apple slices or grapes.

Whole-grain crackers and peanut butter. This is a sure pick-me-up. Packed with complex carbs, fiber, and protein, this snack will give you sustained energy, and it's easy to keep in a desk drawer.

Banana and peanut butter. This is a great idea if you are craving something a little sweeter. Peanut butter spread on a just ripe banana is truly satisfying.

Trail mix. Try making your own — combine nuts such as almonds, walnuts, and Brazil nuts with sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, raisins, and your favorite whole-wheat cereal.

Whole-wheat English muffin and low-fat cream cheese. If you're a lover of bagels and cream cheese, this is a good option.

Low-fat vanilla yogurt topped with raisins. This is a delicious way to get calcium-rich dairy food into your day. If you think a lot of yogurt brands taste too sweet, try Greek yogurt varieties and top them with fresh fruit, such as blueberries or sliced bananas.

Do You Know A Buyer For This Home?

Check out this home on 1.29 acres sitting on a very private lot just 7 minutes from Nelson. 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, covered deck and plenty of storage area. Priced at $399,000. Check out further details and photos on our web-site: Georama Road

Please also remember that I am writing a separate blog on specific real estate related topics. This one comes out weekly, and you can check it out at "in the koots real estate blog"

More Bad Headlines

~ March Planned For Next August

~ Blind Bishop Appointed To See

~ Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip

~ L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

~ Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through

~ Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al.

~ Diaper Market Bottoms Out

~ Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal"

~ Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest

~ Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

~ Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

~ Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

~ Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

~ Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

~ Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

~ Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

~ Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man

~ Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy

~ Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better

~ 20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar

~ War Dims Hope For Peace

~ If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
~ Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

~ Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation

~ Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

~ Man is Fatally Slain

~ Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

~ Death Causes Loneliness, Feelings of Isolation

~ Defendants Speech Ends in Long Sentence

~ Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

~ House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate

~ Police Discover Crack in Australia

~ Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan

~ William Kelly, 87, was Fed Secretary

~ Collegians are Turning to Vegetables

~ Scientists to Have Ford's Ear

~ Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water

~ Hershey Bars Protest

~ County Officials to Talk Rubbish

~ Carter Plans Swell Deficit

~ Caribbean Islands Drift to Left

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

I know that some of these are painful, but I hope that you got a smile or a chuckle somewhere in that group. Your comments and suggestions are always welcome, even if you are correcting grammatical errors. Thank you for reading.

Lorne & Drew

Moving Right Along . . .

First of all, I'd like to thank those who took time to reply to my request for feedback last month. It was indeed helpful. For those who tried to reply with a comment, you probably found out that you must have a "google account" to be able to leave comments, so I apologize if that didn't work for you. You can always send me an e-mail and I will get your message that way.

Those who replied gave me uplifting comments that told me they like what I am doing. Of course, if there was no reply, I don't know if it's because you don't read my blog, if you felt you had nothing to complain about, or if you just didn't have time to reply.

So, let me state again -- your comments, critiques and criticisms are always welcome!

Fall seems to have arrived very quickly. As I write this, it is raining, but the sun is also shining. There should be a rainbow out there somewhere. It's kind of like that in the real estate market. There aren't as many sales as we would like to see, and lots of listings on the market, but there are people out there looking, and even making decisions to buy.

And why wouldn't they? Prices have come down a bit, interest rates are still incredibly good (e.g. 3.79% fixed rate, 5 year term) and there is a good selection of homes to choose from.

I'll have the quarterly statistics available next month.

Do You Know A Buyer For This Home?

This is a beautiful family home, with 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, family room and office. It also has the most amazing "hobby room" on the basement level, with an almost unbelievable collection. Check out additional photos and full details on the web-site at: Feature Home This is an executive style home, priced at $685,000.




Many of you know that every September I help to organize a bike ride through our church. This ride takes place over 2 days, and covers 224 kilometers (140 miles). Here I am on Saturday, just outside of Kaslo. You can tell that it's not very warm, but at least on Saturday we didn't get wet. That was not the case on Sunday, but still we all had a great time, and everyone returned home safely. Thanks go out to the many volunteers who look after us on the ride, and make it possible for this to occur each year!

After a long day's ride we gathered in the park at New Denver for dinner and an evening presentation. Sometimes, this includes me singing (except on those years when we can convince someone good to come along).

Since most of the riders on this journey are from the U.S., when I am in charge of the entertainment, I try to add some Canadian culture to the evening. This year, since we finished dinner early, I had opportunity to do two songs (some people may have regretted that, but most were very polite). The first one is called Canada's Really Big by the Arrogant Worms.

The second song I chose is by a Canadian legend, named Ian Tyson. I chose this song specifically because Ian was going to be in Nelson the next weekend, and, in fact, Dorothy and I attended his concert at the Capitol Theatre last Friday evening. He is older now, not too steady on his feet, and has arthritis in his hands. Still, he tells a great story, and has written many popular ballads. We enjoyed the concert thoroughly, and he closed his set with Four Strong Winds.

To The Rescue!

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"

As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance a long siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.

After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the stupid brakes on that truck!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for This Joke*

Last month I spoke about doing a different type of blog, and doing it more frequently. Most who replied said that they enjoyed reading what I sent out, and I certainly appreciate that. So, this "newsletter" style of blog will continue. However, I have also begun writing a weekly blog, through a new network in the Nelson area called "inthekoots.com". In it, I cover a specific topic. If you're interested you can check that one out at http://nelsonrealestate.inthekoots.com/ Once again, you need to have a google account to post comments on line, but I will be pleased to receive them by e-mail if you prefer to communicate that way. If you have suggestions for topics, I'm happy to hear about them. There have been 4 different articles written to date. You can also "subscribe" to this blog, and be notified when there is a new post.

Thanks for reading!

Lorne & Drew

What Am I Doing Here?

Hello and Happy Summer - Isn't life in the Kootenays great?

I've been giving some thought to what I'd like to accomplish with this blog. As many of you know, it evolved out of an e-mail newsletter that I did for several years, but found that sending out a large e-mail to a large mailing list caused complications -- some on my end, some on yours (depending on the speed of your internet connection). The blog seemed like a natural solution, and it has worked well. However, I ask myself "Who is reading this?"

I do appreciate those who respond, ask questions or tell me what they like or don't like about my postings. However, in an effort to make this more effective, I recently participated in a workshop on blogging, and I learned quite a bit. I learned that I probably write too much at one time. I may be trying to appeal to too large an audience. I am more conscientious about spelling and grammar than most bloggers! It also seems that I have been doing quite a number of things right. Photos and coloured fonts and varied font sizes, etc. all help to keep interest. Hopefully my content is current and relevant (well, maybe not the jokes!)

In an effort to improve, I've also been reading other blogs. Here's an excerpt from one:

Questions to ask while writing:
1) What am I trying to say?

2) What words will express it?

3) What image or idiom will make it clearer?

4) Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?

5) Could I put it more shortly?

6) Have I said anything that is avoidable ugly?

Rules to Follow:
1) Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
2) Never use a long word where a short one will do.
3) If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
4) Never use the passive where you can use the active.
5) Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word (like, say, real estate jargon) if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
6) Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

The above is courtesy of Kasey Everly

So, now I am asking you to let me know what you like about my blog. You can reply at the bottom of the blog posting in "Comments", or you can send me an e-mail, but please, if you're reading this, let me know.

My thought is to make my postings shorter, but post them more frequently. My goal from this point on is to post something each week. Do you want to be notified of new postings? Do you know that you can "subscribe" to a blog, so that you will be automatically notified?
Do You Know A Buyer For This Home?

This is a great family home with a total of 5 bedrooms, 2 baths, on a view lot at the Nasookin subdivision, just a few minutes outside of Nelson on the North Shore. More details are available on our web-site at: North Shore Home Priced at $380,000

Redfish Grill fire

Here's an event that occurred in Nelson at the end of July and got a lot of attention. The Redfish Grill was gutted by fire that started during the dinner hour and was not contained for about 7 1/2 hours. This shot was taken after the roof collapsed, with the fire's glow illuminating the sprays of water that were being poured into it at the rate of 4000 litres a minute!

Earlier this month the Rotary Club of Nelson Daybreak was involved in building a recreational bridge. Here is a link to a more detailed article, and a short video of the project: Cottonwood Bridge



Here's a view of Cottonwood Lake, a delightful spot just a few kilometers south of Nelson. The bridge connects the picnic area parking lot with the recreational trail along the old Burlington Northern rail line on the other side of Cottonwood Creek.


Also happening in Nelson this month is the renovation/restoration of the old C.P. station at the foot of Baker Street. The Nelson Chamber of Commerce is spearheading this work, which will take several years to complete and cost a couple of million dollars. The end result is going to be fabulous!

Sorry I'm Late Mom Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech. "Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?" Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake. "I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan." "Wow, Mom," the young woman's voice replied, "I didn't think you'd be this mad." *Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!* cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

So, that's what a shorter blog looks like. If I do get them out every week, they'll be a little shorter than this.

Please take a moment and let me know what you think. Thanks, in advance.

Lorne & Drew

Good News (For the most part)

Good News and Sad News --
We'll start with the good!


On a beautiful spring day last month in Kelowna my son, Dave, was married to Sara.

Here they are posing with their nieces (my grand-daughters).

So, a new family photo, with us all dressed up

May I have this dance? (note the water bottle in Dave's pocket. The day did get warm!)

Are you concerned with where the food on your table comes from? This came across my desk recently, and I thought it was worth sharing. It's a link to a YouTube video that was produced by Hellman's mayonnaise. Hellman's ad

Well, summer has arrived, and although I do not intend to comment on the weather, I will make mention of a couple of events that are happening in our little city.

This weekend (beginning today) is the Starbelly Jam festival over at Crawford Bay

Saturday, July 17 is Flightfest 2010 and Airport Appreciation Day. The Nelson Pilot's Association is hosting a day at the airport with breakfast, some demonstrations and some vintage aircraft to enjoy.

Wednesday, July 21 - Lakeside Rotary Park - Noon to 10 p.m. the Keep The Beat fundraiser and music festival. Funds raised from this event go to War Child Canada, a Canadian charity dedicated to lessening the suffering of children affected by war.

Thursday through Saturday, July 22 - 24 the Capitol Theatre Summer Youth Program presents Oliver! Tickets are only $12 for reserved seats. I already have mine, and they expect to sell out!

Next Saturday (July 24) is the fifth annual Pedal Along a Rail Route (PARR 5) bicycle ride in support of the Our Daily Break hot meal program in Nelson. This is a fabulous ride along the old rail bed from the top of the Paulson summit down into Castlegar. We leave Nelson at 7:15 on the 24th and the $50 cost includes transportation of bicycles, support during the ride and a great meal.

That's all happening within the next week!

Now for the sad news: Today the final edition of the 109 year old Nelson Daily News rolled off the press. The paper was purchased last month in a multiple-paper deal by Black Press, who announced on July 5th that the paper would close. Here is the front page of today's final edition.

The Nelson Daily News was a morning paper for many years and my own children delivered it. In the days when it was a morning paper, and we looked forward to finding out what was going on. A very good friend of mine who passed away earlier this year at the age of 85 took up delivering the N.D.N. when he retired from his career in teaching. I think his main purpose was that he wanted reliable delivery, so that the paper would be ready to read when he was having his breakfast. Nevertheless, it kept him active and involved with his neighbourhood for several years. He gave up his route when they changed to an afternoon paper, because that didn't suit his schedule. He never liked the afternoon paper format, and would usually not even look at the paper until the following morning.

I haven't heard what is happening with the Nelson Daily News building on Baker Street. Perhaps there's a high profile commercial listing coming up.

With the demise of the Nelson Daily News, their web-site will also be closing. I was just advised yesterday of a new source for on-line news in the Kootenays, and I invite you to check it out: News in the Koots

As is my practice, I will review the statistics for real estate sales this month, as I do on a quarterly basis. We are hearing quite a bit of news about a slow down in residential sales in Canada on the news, but keep in mind that there are many different "markets" across the country. Of course the national statistics reflect what happens in the major centres, because that is where most people live and where most houses sell.

During the month of June there were 13 houses reported sold through the Kootenay Real Estate Board, within the city of Nelson. This compares to 8 sales in June, 2009. Year to date there have been 58 single family home sales in Nelson with an average sale price of $360,585. During the first 1/2 of 2009 there were a total of 41 sales with the sales average being $342,348.

Vacant land sales in Nelson have totalled 8 during 2010. Half of these sales were city-owned lots located in Upper Fairview which were marketed this spring. During 2009 there were only 4 land sales in the first half of the year. The average price is virtually unchanged from the previous year at $146,337.

In Rural Nelson homes sold through the MLS system (this includes detached homes and detached homes on acreage) for January through June 2010 were 47 (45 in 2009) and the average price is down just fractionally at $356,643.

The number of vacant land sales in the rural area has more than doubled this year over last, with 19 sales being reported, vs. 9 in 2009. The average sale price for land has dropped from $161,433 last year to $150,363 this year.

Okay, we got through the statistical stuff. Of course, if you have specific questions or would like more details on any portion of our market, don't hesitate to ask.

Time for a chuckle:

I'm Not Old - I'm Just Mature

I'M NOT OLD...JUST MATURE

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent. From my purchase this chap took off ten percent. I asked for the cause of a lesser amount; And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount."

I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries; And there, once again, got quite a surprise. The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me. He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free."

Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature; But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure. The newspaper print gets smaller each day, And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.), and my glasses identify people I meet. Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure. You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.

The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun. You should see all the damage that chlorine has done. Washing my hair has turned it all white, But don't call it gray...saying "blond" is just right.

My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed. Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer...get off of the road!" My car has no scratches...not even a dent. Still I get all that guff from a punk who's "Hell bent."

My friends all get older...much faster than me. They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see. I've got "character lines," not wrinkles...for sure, But don't call me old...just call me mature.

The steps in the houses they're building today Are so high that they take...your breath all away; And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago. That should explain why my walking is slow.

But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new, And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo. I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure, I'm not really old...I'm only mature.

~Author Unknown

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh


Do You Know a Buyer For This Home?

Located in a high traffic area along the "Crawford Bay strip" this 2 year old home is currently operating as a b&b, with a retail area on the main floor. There are 4 guest rooms (1 is 2 bedroom) plus the owner's area, a high quality kitchen and dining area on over an acre of land. There is a lot of house here for the$689,000 asking price. More details at Deer Lake Lodge .

I found this link for information on Canadian Mortgage trends. I know that people are concerned about rising interest rates, and what that will do to their mortgage payment when it renews, or if they have a variable mortgage. According to this article we will see increases over the next year and a half, but they will be moderate. Of course, these forecasts are subject to change depending on conditions, such as the strength (or lack of) in the U.S. real estate and stock market, the stability of the Canadian dollar vis-a-vis the U.S. dollar and other world events that can change things overnight.

The Magician and The Parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat" "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?" *Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!* cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

On that note, I'll say farewell for another month. As always, your feedback and comments are welcome. If we can be of any assistance with your real estate needs, or if you know someone who is needing representation in a property transaction, we are ready, willing and able to assist.

Thanks for reading!

Lorne & Drew

It may be June - But it isn't warm!

June is a great month for being outdoors -- when it's not raining!

This shot was taken along the Burlington Northern rail trail at Troop, where the Burlington Northern line joins the C.P. line. The bridge in the background of the above photo is the rail bridge still in use by C.P. Rail.

Here we see the Slocan River at Passmore at high water. I'm pretty sure there is no danger of flooding this year, unless we get a situation similar to what happened near Oliver last weekend.

This is the Nelson power plant on the Kootenay River. The water is coming over the top of the dam right now, which only happens at high water.

The H.S.T. takes effect on July 1st. This has become a most unpopular tax, and has been the target of an anti-H.S.T. campaign which has seen unprecedented success in the province. One government minister has resigned his position over this issue, but the government remains adamant that the tax is needed, and will be brought in on the scheduled date. At this time we are not sure what effect the anti-H.S.T. petition will have. They have gathered signatures from over 15% of the voter's list in all 85 ridings in British Columbia in the past 3 months.

If you are concerned about the effect of the new tax on housing, you may want to check out this link. It is a tax information notice from about 6 months ago, which should answer your questions. HST Bulletin #3

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground...
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode..
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing..
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
(I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last...
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Five ways to protect yourself on Facebook

By Marc Saltzman

As you likely know, Facebook is now the world's most popular social networking site, where more than 300 million users post information about themselves, keep in touch with old friends and join groups and support causes that matter to them.

But many Facebook users are unknowingly exposing themselves to identify theft by publishing personal details on the mega-popular website. Or they're falling for scams that exploit tragic events, such as the recent earthquake in Haiti - giving money to thieves instead of those in need.

If you're spending time on Facebook, take heed to the following five tips to better protect yourself online. Much of the same advice can be used for other networking sites such as MySpace, Twitter and LinkedIn.

1. Never give out personal information

Posting your name on your Facebook profile page is perfectly reasonable, but you need not list your address, birth date, phone number, work details or any other private information that can be used against you. Also be cautious about what kinds of photos your kids or friends are posting, in case they reveal personal info such as a photo of them in front of their school sign. Remember to remind your kids to never ever meet a new Facebook "friend" in real life.

2. Close your network

Rather than making your profile public to everyone – meaning all your details pop up if someone clicks on your name – choose to close your Facebook network to everyone except for a small group of friends. Further, when you accept a friend request, don't be afraid to click the box that says "limit my profile." Don't feel obligated to accept a friend request from someone you don't know.

3. Watch your wall

You might do a good job keeping personal info off your main page, but your friends or coworkers might blow it. Example: you're going on vacation and leaving your house vacant for a week, so you don't broadcast this information on the Internet. Except a friend or two writes on your wall - for all to see - "Mary, have fun in Mexico this week! Bring me home some tequila!" Sigh, be sure to remove these comments as soon as possible. You might be tempted to ask a friend to remove these comments while you're away - but remember to change your Facebook password when you return.

4. Be wary of forms

Thousands of third-party Facebook applications can add to the site's functionality, be it trivia games, video posts, horoscopes and so forth. While free, many of these companies like to collect names for marketing purposes, so be aware of forms you might be asked to fill out before using their application. Don't fill out every field if you don't feel comfortable with it. If it's mandatory, consider another application or make up the information - like the street address 123 Sesame Street.

5. Use email messages

Remember, Facebook walls can be viewed by anyone, and on multiple devices (computers, mobile phones, televisions, etc.), so before you post a comment or question to it, ask yourself if it's better as a private email. Similarly, you might upset the person you're writing if your message contains personal information. Be cautious of what information you're revealing about yourself, such as "Hey, here's my new cell phone number!"

My friend Arthur has a whole grove of rhododendrons in his yard.

We have but one plant, but it is full of blossoms

Father's Day Quote:

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

~Clarence Budington Kelland

The grad cavalcade is always a fun part of this weekend. I always like to show off the car.

Do You Know A Buyer For This Home?

3 bedrooms, 2 baths on 3.5 acres of gorgeous view property, just 6 minutes from downtown Nelson. This home also has a separate double garage and a large quonset building, suitable for storage or just about any hobby or pastime you can name. More details on
the web-site: Blewett home & acreage $499,900.

Balance

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found Him resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it... I'm going to call it Earth. It's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's the Province of Ontario... the most glorious place on earth.. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and beaches. The people from ONTARIO are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.."

God smiled, "There's Toronto. Wait till you see the hockey team I put there."

Well, here we come to the end of another month's report. Thanks for reading to the end. Also thanks to Realtor Bob, Joan, and Cheryl for articles I have used this month, and to Ed for convincing me to go on that crazy bike ride.

Drew will be working diligently in the next few weeks while Dorothy and I will be taking a couple of weeks off for a very special family event (photos likely next month). It's also our anniversary next week, so I thought I would add in one more photo:

These people look vaguely familiar????

Lorne & Drew

Blossom Time In Nelson

The lilacs are in bloom this week in Nelson! I know that those of you who are reading this from the coast, or from warmer climates will think this is old news, but the fragrance is just a wonderful thing to experience. Unless, of course, you have allergies that make it difficult to function in the spring season.


Also, below, the first blossoms from the rhododendron in our front yard appeared this week. This is early, as these don't normally appear until June, but then everything has been early this year.


I had an interesting experience earlier this week, which is a sad commentary on our society. I had occasion to be in court, representing a buyer on a property that was being sold under a court order, due to a foreclosure. That was sad enough, as the owner who will be losing the property was present, along with representatives for 2 prospective buyers, the lawyer, court clerk, bailiff and judge. However, before this was dealt with, we heard quite a number of cases involving personal relationships, disputes over property inheritances, unpaid debts and disputes over child support payments. I was quite impressed with the patience displayed by the judge, but very grateful that I don't have to deal with that sort of negative nonsense on a regular basis.

Now for a change of pace:

THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT. Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan" Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


Do You Know A Buyer For This Home?

A Delightful small acreage with a very comfortable 3 bedroom home with plenty of room for further development in the walk-out lower level. Double garage, hardwood flooring, fireplace, sitting on a fenced property in a private location, just 1/2 hour from Nelson, or a few minutes drive from Castlegar. For further details, please check our web-site at: Pass Creek Home $399,000.


Scared vs. Apprehensive

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment, I took part in several night-time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a lieutenant fresh from jump school.

He was quiet and looked a bit pale, so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, lieutenant?" I asked.

He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."

I asked, "What's the difference?"

He replied, "That means I'm scared, but with a university education."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

MLS® Sales Rebound in the Kootenay’s.
Nelson, BC April 12, 2010 – First quarter MLS® Sales numbers indicate that Kootenay markets are returning to a more balanced state with MLS® Sales increasing well above levels reported during the depressed 2009 markets. While Kootenay Real Estate Markets have improved, they have not returned to peak levels as experienced in the Lower Mainland markets, but are sitting at MLS® Unit Sale levels experienced between the years 2002 to 2003.
Statistically, MLS® Unit Sales through the first quarter of 2010 show an improvement of 71%over amounts reported in 2009. When compared to past real estate statistics of Total MLS® Sales from 1989 to 2010, the 1st Quarter of 2010 ranked the eighth best when comparing number of sales adjusting.
Kootenay Real Estate Board President Jim Barber comments: “2010 has started on a favourable note with Kootenay Real Estate property values holding and MLS® Unit Sales recovering to more normal levels. Buyers have returned to traditional markets and have taken advantage of the low mortgage rates and the increases to affordability from 2009. While the residential markets have generally recovered, the second home and recreational markets continue to lag in performance, impacted in part by the performance of the Alberta economy.”
When asked about other aspects influencing real estate markets in the Kootenay’ President Barber remarked: “Kootenay Real Estate markets have been fuelled by very low interest rates, improved buyer affordability and consumer confidence. However recent changes to mortgage qualification rules, increases in mortgage rates and decreases in affordability, may temper sales moving beyond the second quarter of 2010. As we move through 2010, the recovery may have come quicker than anticipated but we don’t expect our markets to overheat given these mitigating circumstances. We also expect some consumers to wait on the sidelines until the impact of the HST is fully understood.
But generally speaking, even with the limiting influences of mortgage rules, rate increases and the HST, we expect our markets to continue to move to a more normal state.”
MLS® Dollar Volume of all sales processed through the Kootenay Real Estate Board in the first quarter of 2010 reached almost $145 Million Dollars, an increase of 75% from first quarter 2009 levels of over $82 Million Dollars of real estate changing hands.
MLS® Unit Sales to the end of the first quarter of March (first quarter) 2010 rose 71% when compared to total MLS® Unit Sales in 2009 during the same period.
The price of the average Residential Detached house sold on the Multiple Listing Service® (MLS®) to the end of March 2010 increased 7% to $297,031 compared to the amount of $276,824 reported in 2009.

Kootenay Real Estate Board MLS® statistics year to date in 2010 show Residential Detached Housing listings up 23% over 2009. Year to Date MLS® Unit Sales for Detached Single Residential Housing experienced an increase of 59% over amounts reported in 2009.
Overall, the number of Year to Date MLS® Listings in 2010 increased 46% over 2009. Year to Date MLS® Unit Sales increased 71% in 2010 over amounts reported in 2009.

The above information contained herein is the sole property of the Kootenay Real Estate Board. The information has been compiled from sources believed to be reliable. While every effort has been made to ensure accuracy and completeness, the Kootenay Real Estate Board cannot be held liable for errors and omissions.

In the City of Nelson, homes that have sold are taking an average of 74.8 days to sell this year. Although the sales volume is up from the first part of 2009, the average sale time is also up, from 64.2 days last year.

In the Rural area, sales are up to almost 50% over the first part of 2009, for single family homes and homes on acreages. Last year's total to the end of April was 22 sales with an average marketing time of only 60.7 days. This year we have recorded 31 sales, but the average days on the market has increased to 106.9 days.

Is it just me, or do you find yourself wanting to doze off in the mid-afternoon? In case I'm not alone, here are some responses you may want to try (or maybe not!):

Caught Sleeping Just in case your boss catches you asleep at your desk, be ready to blurt out one of these excuses. ********************************* They told me at the blood bank that this might happen. This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to. I was working smarter - not harder. Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm! This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people! I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance. I'm in the management training program. I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP). I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend. This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work! Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem. The coffee machine is broken.... Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off. Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic! I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands. The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot. Gosh, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day. *Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!* cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Locally, it has now been reported that the fund raising for the purchase of a CT Scanner for Kootenay Lake hospital has now passed the $1 Million mark. The purchase price of this piece of equipment is $1.5 Million, so we're past the 2/3 mark, thanks to the efforts of so many people in the area. There is lots of momentum for this project and efforts are ongoing, including the construction and sale of a new home being built on McQuarrie Avenue and the raffle of a restored 1955 Corvette (tickets are $50 each, and going quickly!) Once again, this makes me proud to be living in this excellent community that can get behind these projects and ensure their success.

Finally, I know this is a little bit late for Mother's Day, but thought it was worth sharing. Please hold tongue firmly in cheek as you read:

THE

NEXT SURVIVOR

SERIES

Six married men

will be dropped on an island

with one car

and 3 kids each

for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports

and take either music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must

take care of his 3 kids;

keep his assigned house clean,

correct all homework,

complete science projects,

cook,

do laundry,

and pay a list of 'pretend' bills

with not enough money.

In addition,

each man

will have to budget enough money

for groceries each week.

Each man

must remember the birthdays

of all their friends and relatives,

and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child

to a doctor's appointment,

a dentist appointment

and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and

inconvenient visit per child to the Emergency Room.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes

for a school function.

Each man will be responsible for

decorating his own assigned house,

planting flowers outside, and keeping it

presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television

when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs,

wear makeup daily,

adorn themselves with jewelry,

wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,

keep fingernails polished,

and eyebrows groomed

During one of the six weeks,

the men will have to endure severe

abdominal cramps, backaches, headaches,

have extreme, unexplained mood swings

but never once complain or slow down

from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings

and church,

and find time at least once to spend

the afternoon at the park or a similar

setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night

and in the morning,

feed them,

dress them,

brush their teeth and

comb their hair

by 7:30 am.

A test will be given

at the end of the six weeks,

and each father will be required to know

all of the following information:

each child's

birthday,

height, weight,

shoe size, clothes size,

doctor's name,

the child's weight at birth,

length, time of birth,

and length of labor,

each child's favorite color,

middle name,

favorite snack,

favorite song,

favorite drink,

favorite toy,

biggest fear,

and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...

he still

has enough energy

to be intimate with his spouse

at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win,

he can play the game over and over and over

again for the next 18-25 years,

eventually earning the right

to be called Mother!

After you get done laughing,

send this to as many females as

you think will get a kick out of it and

as many men as you think can handle it.

Just don't send it back to me....

I'm going to bed.

Thanks for reading! If you have a question or comment, we'd love to hear from you.

Lorne & Drew